This is my message to you-ou-ou!

November 8, 2011 | Category: faith, music

Transitions are a bit tough on me. When I make a decision, I want to launch into it… like now! And, just about every decision, especially major decisions, require transition time. Even so, when Paul & I made the decision to move to Southern California, all my energy balled up and was ready to uncoil and spring into immediate change making!

But, almost a month after our decision was made, here we still are. Life is moving and behaving just like it did before we made the decision. And that’s because there are things to be considered. Transition plans need to be determined and then implemented. Applications need to be submitted and a new job is yet to be found. And, of course, there is a new Moment family home to be found. Paul has his fulltime freelance workload to manage, plus job hunting to do. So while he is ever bit as much excited about change as me… transition time is a necessity. I know it is. But. Still.

My focus has turned toward our new home. I freely admit I’m fantasizing about our new home. Having lived in a mostly unfinished basement for over a year – an honest to goodness home sounds GLORIOUS. I get giddy thinking about a house with a front door to welcome friends and family into. I am excited thinking about an honest-to-goodness real kitchen… with an stove top, oven, cabinets for dishes and maybe even a dishwasher. I think about windows – big, full-size windows with light streaming in… where Muta can stretch out and bathe in the sunshine. I get emotional thinking about bedrooms with doors… and most especially a little girl’s bedroom for Amira. A bedroom that is entirely hers with decorations, her toys and treasures and a desk (she’s deeply craving a desk). And did I mention a bathtub? Okay, I don’t want to completely fall apart on you, but a bathtub… for this water-loving Piscean… well, to imagine that and all these riches in one place called home – almost seems too much! My heart overflows it. So, transitions be damned, I’m looking, watching… okay stalking Craigslist. We don’t have a timeline yet – but I can’t help it. I have some very specific requests of the universe. All the above, AND… We want to be near our dear friends… likely neighborly close. We want to be in a particular school district. And I am dreaming of all of these things together in one big, perfect, happy package wrapped in a bow… for us.

Tonight, while searching on Craiglist (no, really, I can stop anytime if I wanted to…) – I read an ad describing what sounds and looks like the *perfect* place. It could be on the exactly right neighborhood, on the exactly right street, with the exactly right size and amenities, and available at what could be the exactly right time. I got breathless. I read it to Paul and said: “Should I contact them?” And he said, “But we aren’t ready yet.”

And with that, I felt all hoardy. I wanted it. I felt panicky like I needed to somehow gobble it up and keep it safe for us. I was afraid that it would get taken by another family before we are ready. I was afraid the perfect place wouldn’t be available when we are ready. And then what would I do?

And then two things happened simultaneously. Paul said : “The perfect house will be ready and waiting for us when we are ready for it.” – and I heard and felt my… *fear*. Remember my breathlessness? I allowed my fear to steal my very breath away. So I took a deep breath (and I’m taking another as I type this). Choosing to release the fear, I remembered that all is well. All is well! And, how perfect that day before yesterday, Amira shared with me that Three Little Birds by Bob Marley has been stuck in her head. Not an accident that.

One Comments

  1. Natalie V2
    on December 22nd, 2011
    1

    What Paul said.
    And hugs, and understanding.
    I know you know, I understand.
    And also… how have I been missing all these posts? I think because I’ve tried to Google subscribe to your blog, I kept expecting that I would be notified of updates. I need a new system.
    Be strong, my friend. I love you.

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