Paul & Amira are napping. I just finished doing Monday’s ezine prep for Dana. I was about to surf the web, or pull out one of the many books that I want to read, when I saw that have a perfect little window to write. I almost talked myself out of it because; heck, surfing la web or reading a book is so much easier than writing.

I’m nearly complete with the downsizing craziness. And for all its craziness, it managed to somehow also be terribly monotonous too. It wouldn’t, WOULD NOT, die. Still it sputters on. Little things like the donation truck having to reschedule for the third time are driving me nuts. There remain piles of books that still need to be sorted, sold or donated. There are boxed files sitting against the living room wall with no tucked away, neatly appointed home. There are a few remaining pieces that need to be relisted on Craigslist or eBay and sold. Yet I’m close, so close.

With that closeness right next to me, holding my hand, I feel nervous excitement for what’s next. For example, Paul & I spent time creating an aggressive budget and savings plan. We want our full-time RV adventure to come and it is dependent on our saving money to buy our new home on wheels. (By the way, Amira asked if we could have a “pet horse” with us when we go on the road… I told her they were much too big and she felt I was being pessimistic and that we could simply tow a horse trailer behind our 5th wheel…)

This whole aggressive savings idea brings me back to the space of being both a money earner while a stay at home mom. I did decently earning money on eBay with my artwork. I don’t know if that will be possible given the economy now or not. I’ve thought about reselling on eBay (have seen a couple of examples of folks doing pretty nicely, especially once they found a niche market). I’ve even thought about further developing my health blog and its traffic. Maybe a combination of all of the above, or something else entirely, will be the way for me to meet my goals. I don’t know.

I do know that I get excited about the idea of painting again. Nervous too. I am in such a profoundly different mindset today than I was the last time I stood; brush in hand, in front of my easel. I’m eager to see how it colors (haha – look at that, an unintentional pun that makes me giggle!) my artwork. And, who I am evolves and shifts at such a rate, I can’t help by wonder how that be reflected onto my canvases. If the sun changed color, moonlight would take on a different glow, right?

Robert Heller said “Fear is excitement without breath.” (Note to self: Google Robert Heller to find out who he is…) My current internal landscape is a few rungs down from fear. Still, I’m clear I need to remember to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Have you noticed how transformative breathing is? In. Out. Long, deep thoughtful breaths move me from frenetic, disjointed and unaware movements to a synergistic, easy, conscious way of being and behaving. All with something as little as breathing. Amazing.

Anyway. I’d better wake up my beautiful, lovely sleepy heads before they sleep too long and end up awake into the wee hours of the morning. Thanks for sitting with me in this little window of time. I enjoyed it.