I can’t even begin to write about it except to tell you this much.  We lost Levity tonight.  She died in the woods, accidentally hitting a stick or branch that cut a major artery.  It makes no sense.  My heart is broken to lose sweet Levity and broken for Ahmis who loved Levity so intensely and Levity equally in turn her.

I’m constantly messing with soup, just putting this and that into a pot.  I just made up a quick and easy soup for Amira & my lunch that I liked.  And, bonus!  She liked it too!!  Thought I’d share if you want a tasty warm autumn soup for cooler evenings (plus I can save the recipe for myself so I don’t forget it.  Sorry I didn’t get a better picture of it.  I promise it looks better in person.

Ingredients

1 box of Imagine Organic Creamy Butternut Squash Soup
1/2 cup of rinsed quinoa
1 tbsp coconut oil
1/2 cup of diced onion
1/2 cup of diced squash (I used yellow, but you could use whatever you want or have on hand)
1/2 cup diced apple
1 can of Great Northern Beans, rinsed (the small can, 15 oz)
small handful of pine nuts
5-6 large leaves of rainbow or red chard, chopped

Directions:

Put coconut oil in the bottom of your pan and sauté diced onions 3-5 minutes or until soft. Add remaining ingredients except chard. Cook until quinoa is done (when germ line separates). Add the chard and cook another 3-5 minutes.

You can garnish with a sprinkle of cinnamon, nutmeg, salt and/or pepper to taste.

Variations:

I’m calling it a stew here because, with the quinoa, it is very thick. You could add more liquid to make it more soup-like.  I liked it thick — very comfort foody.  Also, I didn’t add a meat to it, but you could easily add something like Aidell’s Chicken Apple Sausage, if you wanted a carnivorous version. Finally, adding a dried fruit like cranberries, golden raisins or apricots would be delicious too.

Serves 4

At the end of the ride, we got stopped at the very top while they unloaded riders below.  A magical moment…

Paul flew into town a few days before our wedding. While we had been on the phone nearly every night, we had been apart for a year and seeing him at the airport was surreal. Walking toward me was the man who had been my best friend for 5 years, who I was in love with and more at home with than anyone else on the planet. Yet seeing him, I felt shy, awkward and embarrassed. It suddenly felt as though our wedding was an arranged marriage and I was meeting him for the first time. No matter that we had arranged it.

Two hours before my wedding, I fell asleep. I had spent the morning at the church placing centerpieces, arranging flowers on the stage, putting out the guest book and whatever other tasks I could find to do. By noon, there was nothing left for me to do. The wedding didn’t start for another 2 hours and no one else was around yet. Not having a clue of what to do with myself, I went to the “bride’s room” (aka the nursery) and sat down in a rocking chair. Not a few moments later, I slid down out of the rocking chair onto the floor. Suddenly sleepy, I bunched up a sweatshirt into a pillow and laid down. It wasn’t until my mom arrived with my dress that I woke up.

Thinking back to the morning of our wedding, I’m convinced I knew (even before I knew, if that makes sense) that Paul was it. He was the one… no matter how close or far, intimate or strange, easy or difficult. I just knew. For better or for worse.

Last Thursday was our 15th anniversary. And it’s still true. I just know. Our 15th year was, by far, the most distant, estranged and difficult year. Still, he’s the one. My life, my every day, is beautiful and blessed because of him.

Happy Anniversary Paul! You are the one for me. I am the one for you. Here’s to our 22nd year of friendship and our 16th year of marriage - may we be everything we know each other to be.

love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds

E.E. Cummings

Weather man says we are going to have a few more days of summer before fall fully and finally kicks in.  I’m excited for fall, but will embrace the warm sun o’er the coming three to four days.  Then, I’ll look at getting a pair of those cozy socks…

Stumbled across these on Etsy this morning — made by Etsy Artist RusticSeasons.  I liked ‘em and thought I’d share.

One of the best results of a big fall organizational and cleaning sweep that I’ve been working on is my desk.  I moved it out into the main part of the loft upstairs.  I now have a great view of the pond, the trees, and the horizon.

With the move, I took on clearing my desk.  (no small task!)  I’m now the proud owner of a clean and workable desk.  It’s the first time since we’ve moved here that its been this way… and even before the move, my desk was in chaos.  I still have lots of filing and storage to do, but just having the desk set up and ready to go feels great.

One of my friends from college, Palmy, is beginning a weekly art challenge… finishing a painting on a gessoed piece of cardboard once a week.  Every Wednesday she will post a new painting.  I’ve taken on the challenge with her.  I’m looking forward to it!  I know myself thought and I’d better get started today!

Amira has been wanting to paint more often.  I’m thinking now, as I write, that I’ll have her paint with me.  Painting will be a great chance for us to have some creative play time together.  I’ll post her painting each week too.    Want to play?  Leave a comment here or on Palmerin’s blog to join the challenge!  I know I’d love to have a group of people doing this with me.

I’m reading the book “Life, Paint and Passion: Reclaiming the Magic of Spontaneous Expression“.  It’s a wonderful book about letting go as you paint.  It’s about finding that playful and joyful place while you are painting.

It’s been interesting to me as I read the book just how much I want to contradict what the authors are saying.  I want to qualify, adjust, clarify and ultimately squash their coaching.  I think it’s interesting how I want to make what I do either amazing or horrible (usually the latter, in my case) and how much it keeps me away from my own easel.  Toward the end of book, the authors include this quote by Rumi…

Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.

This has stuck with me because of how much I shackle my freedom in my artwork for fear of looking bad, being embarrassed, the fear of being talentless, and so on.  Going to the easel with my ego in place, I miss out the wild adventure and freedom that I could be playing in.  Same is true in the rest of my life too.

Freeni has nearly lost all use of one of his back legs this morning.  I’m watching him, but concerned.

Maybe this is the new normal - hopefully he feels better soon.

For me, fall has always been a season of portent. I was chatting with Ahmis this evening about it. I feel like Tova sometimes, with my nose to the wind, sniffing the change in the air. All day, I looked around and felt as though I was receiving coded messages. The wind whispering in my ear and telling me to open my eyes.  Be ready.

Today is veggie day. Walking though the farm to pick up our weekly produce, I saw overflowing rows of spinach, broccoli, squash, lettuce, chard, tomatoes, potatoes, green beans, basil, leeks and more.

I headed into town and stopped at the bank. The wind was picking up and whipped my hair into my face as I hopped back in the van. Driving home, I looked up, just in time, to to see a large tree filled with crows. There were a few of these dark figures swirling in the sky looking for a branch of their own. It was a bit ominous, especially against the grey and moody sky.  I started to wonder if it meant something bad. I didn’t have much time to think on it, when not a 1/2 mile down the road, I saw two cows at the edge of the fence.  One gently sidling closer to the other. As I passed by, the snapshot in my mind was the face of one of the cows… soft, gentle, and beautiful with enormous dark eyes.

I crossed an intersection and saw four llamas in a pasture. They haven’t been in the pasture for quite a while and I was beginning to wonder if they had been sold. I was happy to see them, all woolly and silly with their thick lashes and shiny eyes.

I saw a two small young white goats nuzzling noses with a larger rusty red calf.

Rain started falling, just a little, on my windshield. My eye caught movement in another field across the road as I continued towards home. A doe and her fawn were scurrying through a freshly cut field. The fawn hopped into a run to catch up with its mother.

I passed a barn, that is a vet’s office, that had recently nearly burned down to the ground from a fire. There was new wood framing coming together. The new shape of the barn being built was evident. More windows are being added to the new building and it looks like it’s going to be a bit larger than the old one. It’s coming together quickly and will be done soon.

Rounding the bend, I spied a group of sheep huddling together, their recently shorn coats not providing them enough warmth on their own.

The weather was rainy and chilly - the colors of fall lighting up the day instead of the sun. We have blueberry bushes outside our house. Their leaves are turning brilliant red, orange, and yellow. One in particular glows from the inside.

And now, I can hear gusts of wind push at the house while I’m writing. The house creaking in resistance to the wind.

Can you decipher them? All of them are messages. Each and every one.

It’s normally not my thing to dive into politics on my blog. And chances are high I won’t do it often… or possibly again. It’s not that I don’t care, I do. It’s more of a desire to not run head long into disagreements with people that I know and love.

I’ll confess, I’m continually surprised by how we as people can think so differently. What seems plain and common sense to me isn’t to another and vice versa.

And that said, I’m going to break my typical non-political blogging because there is one thing that I just can’t get my head around. I can’t understand why Christians find John McCain and Sarah Palin a plausible choice for running our country. And, in particular, why Christians find Sarah Palin so great.

I had respect for McCain and even told my Dad, back in the early Bush era, that he was a Republican that I could support. I wasn’t very well-educated on him, but my impression of him was that he seemed to stand on his own outside of partisan pressures and conduct himself from a place of integrity. I was increasingly confused, when after being completely torn apart by Karl Rove tactics during his presidential run against Bush… that he suddenly began aligning with Bush, his policies and his people. Now the GOP presidential nominee, his pick of Palin was something that I took notice of. I wondered who she was and what did her selection by McCain tell me about who he is today?

When Sarah Palin was announced as McCain’s VP candidate, I didn’t know her name or who she was. I haven’t followed politics enough to have heard of her before. She had a blank slate with me. The only thing I remember thinking when it was announced was “Oh, McCain must be gunning for Hillary supporters…” As the first days of her candidacy wore on, I began reading reports about who she was, her experience and how she governed. I became more and more concerned.

I did some research, poking around trying to find out why Christians were so excited about her. The major tenet I found was that she an evangelical who chose not to have an abortion, believes in the Bible and believes that creationism should be taught in public schools. The only other items I could find… a fear that Obama was Muslim and that he is a liar and can’t be trusted. A commenter named Donna on Christianity Today’s blog said: “I think that when you vote in this election, if you don’t particularly care for McCain/Palin consider it lesser of two evils, because God Help Us if Obama wins. Pray about it. I strongly believe that Obama is trying to hide his Muslim faith. In his book Audacity of Hope he admits that he learned to be “detached” from religion and that he attended a Muslim school. He also said he does not believe the verse in Romans that says it is wrong to be gay. So, if he doesn’t believe that, what parts of the Bible does he believe?“  And if you don’t believe he is lying about his faith, that as an Evangelical Republican, you’d better believe that he is lying when he says he’s going to cut taxes.  So, at their shiniest, McCain/Palin are ambassadors for the Evangelical Christian belief system who we can trust to lead our country because their beliefs “line up”.

I appreciate that there is something to be said for standing for someone who shares your Christian views. But beliefs are one thing and who you are and what you do is another. What I don’t get is putting a blind eye to the fruits of McCain’s and Palin’s respective lives. Since I brought this up regarding Palin originally, I’ll focus on her here.  I respect Gov. Palin for having her son Trig. I respect that, as a former Pentecostal and now non-denominational, she is a church attender. I understand that she represents many of the principles and convictions that so many Christians idealize. I know she looks like someone who might sit next to you at church, or who you would go to bible study with on Wednesday evenings… and that she is someone that you can imagine being friends with at your church.  Sarah Palin is very familiar face to most evangelical Christians.

The thing is, and this is where I get confused… what about judging the “fruits of the Spirit” as we look at these two? As a Christian, something I was taught and come to increasingly rely on is looking for “fruits of the Spirit ” to ascertain if a belief, philosophy or a person are in keeping with what God wants and Christ taught.

What I’ve seen on Palin is discouraging.

She lies.  I don’t understand how, Palin, who has lied repeatedly represents the values of Christians.

She leads without grace, peace, kindness or goodness.  I don’t understand how, as governor, her leadership choices to harrass, intimidate, manipulate for her own ends is a Christian example. She hired friends and pushed out foes.

She’s evasive and cloaked.  I don’t understand her ongoing unwillingness to be open and honest with questions regarding her actions as governor is something that is laudable.

I bring all this up because these things… these criteria are more important to Christians than whether or not she actually has the capacity to lead our country as VP or possibly as President. (12 minutes of video worth working your way through if you are at all curious about Palin’s experience in comparison to other VPs in our history)

And that critical question and debate appears to be mute, because they believe she is “one of them”.

Now that I’m losing steam (and it’s 2:20am), I’m remembering why I don’t do political blog posts… 

PS -(Sidenote on Obama’s faith: If you haven’t read this speech by Obama regarding his faith, please do.  You can decide for yourself whether you think he’s authentic, but it’s worth watching or reading.)

I just finished reading an article called The Science of Optimism by Eric Schneider.  It was fascinating to me as it discussed its foundational premise that individual happiness comes down to a personal commitment to optimism and our interconnectedness with each other.

The two largest indicators of personal happiness in study after study are social contact and friendship.  Eric Weiner wrote a book called The Geography of Bliss in which he concluded: “The happiest places are the places where social ties are the strongest.”  An example he provides is Iceland - a country that is cold and dark much of the year and even so is one of the happiest, most optimistic places on the planet.  The why… they enjoy a close-knit sense of community and trust.

A chicken and the egg kind of endeavor, trust is critical to communities and communities are essential in build creating trust.  Put them both together and you have the ingredients for a happy people and culture.

Weiner says: “In America, we’re becoming a less trusting culture and that does not bode well for our happiness.”  Optimistic people trust others more and avoid putting up barriers and boundaries around themselves… this creates an overall happier living environment.

Our “individualism is king” culture is breaking us down methodically and horribly.  In our culture, communities, the financial crisis we find ourselves in today, health and spirituality… our happiness and well-being is being eroded away.

The article posits that the solution to this is cultivating optimism.  Eric Schneider says “Without optimism, happiness becomes something that we stumble across rather than create, making it harder to realize its benefits.”  It reminds me the verse that nearly anyone who was raised in a church memorized at one point or another:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

I have read many thinkers who think optimism is nothing more than ill-advised denial or ignorance.  And, I’m certain that some do bury their heads in the sand to what’s real by covering it with a conversational patter and cloak of optimism.  You’ve experienced that kind of “optimism”… if you are like me, it leaves you at best with a hollow and unsatisfied feeling and at worst annoyed or pissed off.  But the optimism that brings hope, action and life - that’s mysterious and powerful. Case in point, Dr. Martin Luther King said: “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” Given his life, that’s not denial or ignorance… he knew the harsh realities… and still he choose optimism.  That’s powerful faith and courage.  That kind of optimism would naturally do a work that would transform our lives, don’t you think?

I’m, for the most part, an optimistic person.  But I can see tendrils of pessimism and hopelessness weaved in and around my mind.  It’s sneaky, although not so much so when it see the light of day.

How do you keep your mind in check?  What do you do to keep the pessimistic, negative, self-defeating/deprecating, nay-saying, and hopeless voices in your life (whether it be your own or someone else’s voice) at bay?

more pictures and recap of the party to come soon!!  Update: Paul’s posted pictures and his rundown of the event.

Here are a couple of photos of the awesome chair that Ahmis gave Amira for her birthday.  Amira loves it!  Oh, and the flower isn’t staged… Amira told the flower to sit on the chair and watch the “most beautiful I ever seen” sunset…