The sun is basking us with warmth and light today.  The wind is dancing with the trees and whispering sweet promises of spring in my  ear.   It’s taken nearly a month to feel the blinkers have been removed from my eyes.  Thanks to everyone who filled my mailbox and my inbox with encouragement and support.  I can see again.

8″x8″, titled grounded
Someday, hopefully soon, I’ll learn a way to photograph my paintings so that there is no glare. I know part of the problem on this one is the paint is still drying. Even when dry though, it’s still a challenge for me. I’ve been thinking about making a homemade lightbox — but I’m not certain that would solve the problem.

I spent the afternoon painting yesterday. I worked on three small paintings. The post pictures of the other two as soon as they are dry enough to not be all glare.  For those of you who take photos - any recommendations on how to capture images that reduce or eliminate glare.  This was taken in natural light, no flash - but still has light glare.

Hood Canal, originally uploaded by janece.

Paul, Amira & I went to Kitsap Memorial State Park and walked the beach along Hood Canal on Saturday. You can see that we couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day. The cool thing? This park is only a mile from our place. I like my life.

This evening… well, I just finished making another batch of chocolate pudding (told you I am addicted!) and am going to curl up on the couch with Paul to watch a movie.

Did I mention I like my life?

Black & White Treatment, originally uploaded by janece.

Somewhere along the line, since we moved, I’ve lost my the card reader for my point-n-shoot. I have a memory card full with 3+ weeks of photos and no way to get to them. Today I unpacked my Canon. And so today, you get a self-portrait. Hopefully I will find my reader soon - I do want to share with you what my world looked like over the past three weeks.

I like taking pictures. Taking pictures is, for me, one more way that I see and process the world. I’m more attentive when I’m carrying my camera, even if I don’t snap the picture. I like being awake to the world around me. I don’t ever want to stop seeing.

I don’t know where this craving came from, but since we’ve moved… I’ve been addicted to dark chocolate pudding. I haven’t been able to get enough of it. I’ve made boxes of prepackaged Dr. Oetker chocolate pudding (a little too sweet for me) and recently several batches from scratch. I found a basic recipe that I’ve been playing with. I have one version that I make when my Mom is here that uses arrowroot instead of cornstarch (she’s allergic to corn) and erythritol, xylitol, brown rice syrup or another natural sugar alternative (she’s allergic to sugar too). Mom & Paul are both allergic to dairy… so I use vanilla hempmilk instead of regular milk.

It sounds like a lot of substitutions, and it is - but trust me… this recipe is very forgiving and has been yummy every time. Here’s the basic recipe and you play with it as you like… it can be as traditional or customized based on your preferences and/or dietary requirements:

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa (I use raw Nativas Natural Cacao Powder, it makes for an intense dark chocolate flavor — perfect for my cravings)
1 1/2 cups of milk (or milk substitute)
1/4 cup sugar or (natural sugar equivalent)
3 tbsp cornstarch (I use 2 tbsp arrowroot)
2 tbsp water
1/4 tsp vanilla

I mix the water and arrowroot thoroughly in a separate bowl before adding it to the other ingredients. I whisk the ingredients until the mixture thickens well… I keep cooking and stirring with the whisk for another minute. I take it off the heat - stirring a little longer and let sit for a few minutes.

You could put it in the frig and cool it - but none of our batches have made it that long.

If you stopped by our home, the song you would hear ringing from the rafters is this one…

Amira adores it. She had me hold her like a baby this morning and sing it with her…over, over and over.

Have I mentioned one of my favorite things on earth is to sing with my girl? Another favorite, hearing her sing with her Daddy.

That’s what hope is. Imagining, then fighting for, and then working for what did not seem possible before.

-Senator Barack Obama

A good night’s sleep and three aspirin later, I’m feeling sane. (The pain is because my mouth is hurting where I lost my tooth. I’m guessing I have a dental abscess). Sorry for the melodrama. I was hurting so badly last night - unchecked imaginations and irrational fears were swirling in my head.

Last year about this time, I read a story about a 12-year old boy who died because of a dental problem. An extreme case for sure, but again when I’m hurting that much, my fear takes the story and runs with it to horrible ends.

In the light of this morning’s sun, I see what fear does to me. I didn’t think of it that way… but last night, I gave myself over to it. It pushed everything else out. All my creativity, problem-solving, focus and action were gone.

Today, I’m pushing out the fear and replacing it with things that will make a difference. And what will make a difference is working, painting, and earning money to get to the dentist. Also helpful is doing everything I know to do with my diet to minimize inflammation and infection in my body — and maximizing my immune system so my body can fight any possible infection until I can get in. There are more action items ahead, but these are first priority.

He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What’s the natural reaction to pain? (In this instance, I’m referring to physical pain.)

It probably varies from person to person, doesn’t it?

For me, my reaction is fear. I’d rather be angry.  I’d rather have almost any other reaction but fear.   Heart-rushing, trembling, shaking fear.

Paul & I have been craving marshmallows for hot cocoa. We ate our lunch at Central Market, so we had our perfect excuse opportunity to pick up a bag.

In the van on the way home, Paul offered a marshmallow to Amira. She has never had a marshmallow, so she was skeptical and immediately said: “I don’t want one. It’s yucky.” With food, we’ve taught her to be “open-minded” ala the book Cookies. Paul asked her to be open-minded and try one. Reluctantly, she took a marshmallow and put it in her mouth. Her face got very serious as she began to determine whether this was good or bad food.

Well, what do you think… I asked.

Face still very serious and focused, she raised her hand and slowly, deliberately signed… YES!

(PS - Does anyone else have the desire to spell it marshmellow…?)

Outside our front door, in the evenings, I’ve seen dark tiny shadows flying past. They were so very small and fast. I never could see what these flitting shadows were and I was starting to think I was seeing things. Then, a couple of days ago, I looked onto our front porch to see the smallest little feather fluff ball. This downy little round creature was what had been casting the shadows. I wasn’t seeing things! These birds are impossibly cute - as round as a ping pong ball, a soft pale gray color and a teeny-tiny little beak.

The first time we met our landlord, A, I had noticed she had a bird watching book. So, I asked her if she had seen these little aviary puffballs and if she knew their name. She mentioned that had just recently seen them at her front door right before the recent snowfall, but no, she didn’t know what they were. She loaned me the bird watching book and I began my search for their name.

After a short search, I found them. Who knew that such an adorable bird could have such an, well, unadorable name? Bushtit. I prefer their scientific name, psaltiparus minimus. Minimus… now that’s perfect! But bushtit? Poor little birds…

Yesterday as we were coming back from errands, I noticed that my little friends had been leaving behind little white trails on the wood siding of the house. I said to Paul…

“Aw man… I’m going to have to come out here and clean up the bushtit shit…”

That’s when I started convulsively laughing.

Bushtit shit…

Sometimes I’m so 13 years old…

Hey, hey, hey. I’m baaack!

So the house isn’t put together by any stretch. But some of the pieces that make a place feel like home are falling, one by one, into place. I’m sitting at our kitchen table looking out our sliding glass door. I’m watching the trees move and sway in the wind. The wind gusts so strong that you can hear the trees straining and the house creaking. I can see rippling on the normally placid pond surface. The clouds are heavy and grey with threatening rain. Inside, it’s warm with light glowing on the wood walls. I have a cup of delicious hot cocoa next to me. Tova is asleep on the floor next to the couch. Amira is watching a Sesame Street video in her play area of the loft and Paul is set up in the new office.

This past weekend, my parents came out on Saturday and spent the afternoon giving us some moral support. They bought us a wonderful lunch at the Port Gamble Deli and Cafe. We ran much needed errands and they helped me with little odds and ends in the house. All this interspersed with, of course, visiting and playing with Amira. The next day, my cousin Doug and his wife Larissa stopped by. We just visited together and with our landlord A… letting all our dogs play. (All our dogs = Samoyed, Great Dane and two beagles.) I made them lunch and later when dinnertime rolled around, we ordered pizza and broke out the a delicious (and I do mean DELICIOUS) bottle of Chateau Ste. Michelle’s Eroica Riesling. I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend to help us begin to feel more settled into our new home.

I’ve been surprised how hard this move has been on me. I told Paul last night that I feel like I have post-traumatic stress. During the move, it was rough, but I was okay. Now, I feel a it surreal and sometimes almost a little fearful. I have noticed it is accentuated when I’m tired. During the day, I have plenty of work and unpacking to keep my mind occupied. When things slow down, I feel it more. I talked with a client yesterday who had recently moved. She said it took her a month to feel settled and herself again. It’s funny because I idealize myself as someone who is able to roll with whatever change is thrown my way. I guess I need to have a little more patience and grace for myself in that regard.

Thanks to everyone who commented on our view. It only cemented further that we are where we are supposed to be.