What I am least grateful for today:

The Rugendo Family Massacre. I can’t tell you how much this wounds my heart. Even more so that it is not the first time.

What I am most grateful for today:

Reading a couple chapters of Healing the Purpose of Your Life by the Dennis, Sheila Fabricant, and Matthew Linn. It’s written very simply - but performed the job of opening a couple doors in my mind this afternoon. I’ve just barely walked through the doors to the rooms inside. I’ll let you know what I discover.

We have a weekly tradition of sorts. There’s a fish and chips place that we go to almost every Sunday for lunch. The five of us, Mom, Dad, Paul, Amira & I, look forward to tasty fish, clam chowder and Barbara. Barbara is the shift manager on Sundays and we’ve gotten to know her over the past few years. At least half the reason we love going is to see and visit with Barbara.

Yesterday, as soon as we walked in the door, we could tell something wasn’t okay. She told us, her voice smaller than a whisper, that she was going on a medical leave of absence. She would miss seeing us every week, she said. I took my drink and sat down. I pulled out an old receipt and wrote on the back. Barbara, call us. Let us know how we can support you. We will be praying for you.

Turns out, Barbara’s going in to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for stem cell transplant treatment. She’s frightened. I don’t blame her. I would be too. When things were quiet and she wasn’t surrounded by customers, I gave her the piece of paper. Her face blanched and then turned red, as tears came rushing to her eyes and down her cheeks. My heart leaped out to her, wanting to comfort and care for her.

At the same fish and chips restaurant, we’ve met an older man by the name of Mort. Over time, our friendship has grown with Mort. We used to see him and his wife there each Sunday. Almost 2 years ago, his wife had a terrible stroke. He’s alone now that she’s in a home that can provide her the care she needs. Mort visits her on Sunday mornings and then comes for lunch after. Mort is a solitary, to himself kind of guy. But after Amira was born, he would enjoy seeing her and we would smile back and forth and say a friendly hello. One Sunday, he wore a Samoyed sweatshirt and that started more conversations back and forth about our dogs. Each Sunday he brings a baggie of dog treats. He holds it for Amira to pick out treats to take home to Tova. It’s a ritual all seven (I’m including Tova in my headcount since he gets the treats when we get home) of us love.

Two weeks ago, he told us that he had to put his dog, his old, sweet girl, to sleep because she was old and in so much arthritic pain. He went to PAWS a few days later to find and adopt a new companion. He brought home a female lab. When we saw him, he had bruising and scratches on his face, and a swollen wrist. The dog, overeager and too strong, pulled out of his hands and knocked him over. She ran into the woods and Mort hasn’t seen her since. He keeps hoping she’ll turn up, but so far, there’s been no sign of her.

He’s looking to adopt another dog soon. I talked with him about the Samoyed Rescue and am going to hook him up with the fabulous people there this week. I know they could help him find a perfect canine friend to be his friend and companion.

Then, last night, as I was researching my book - I read about intentional communities, cohousing villages, shared housing, and so on. I read testimony after testimony about the richness of life people experience when they live in community. It struck me fresh, how much we are meant to be and built to be connected to each other. Sharing our lives with each other, the good times and the difficult, is what we are made for. Even the most solitary of us, like Mort.

“I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live.”
–George Bernard Shaw

I’m geeking out on my book research.  The focus of my book is getting broader and wider (and more interesting!) right before my eyes.  As I’m researching, I’m seeing that my original idea is a good one, but there is much more to research and discuss.  The idea has become a blooming plant with the stems, leaves, and petals making up the beauty of flower.  (Not the best analogy, but hopefully you get what I’m saying.)

Side note: And I have to say, Zotero has got to be the coolest Firefox plug-in for writers, academics, and researchers.  It’s intuitive to use and has cleaned up, sped up and polished up my research process in the matter of days.

Amira & I headed out into the afternoon sun. We brought the soccer ball, Tova and the squeeky mini-tennis ball he loves to chase and my camera. We kicked the soccer ball back and forth. I would give it a swift kick across the yard and we would race to the ball and then do it again. We practiced running fast and moving oh-so-slow. Tumbling into the grass, we found a treasure trove of tickle spots. And with our backs on the grass, we gazed up at the towering trees and the blue skies and counted clouds.

Amira climbed the big old tree stump next to the garage. Proud of her Everestian climb and surveying her domain, our hearts skipped when our eyes were surprised by a particularly long black and yellow striped garter snake. We followed his slithery, slinky path until he escaped us into a bramble of blackberry bushes. We sniffed the clover and collected dandelion puffs. We listened to busy buzzing bees and skipped after yellow butterflies and blue-purple dragonflies.

The creek called Amira’s name and we ran to answer. We walked along the creek until we found a shady spot that opened up to a portion of the creek that boasted a rocky, pebbly island. We hopped across the water to the island and set up a very temporary camp. We tossed rocks into the water and set leaf boats bobbing and tossing down the currents. While the water reflection danced on the bellies of the leaves, we listened to the water go by. The water seeped in to soak our shoes and socks, as we waded in the shallow portions of the clear, rippling water. New explorers, we discovered water skeeters and practiced pronouncing their name.

The sun began to drop behind the ridge of Butternut Hollow and our tank tops and shorts began to feel inadequate. With regret, we left our adventures for today. But, with twinkles in our eyes and joy in our hearts, we know there is tomorrow!

After we tucked Amira in bed, Paul & I dropped the baby monitor with Mom upstairs. We put Tova on his leash and headed out the door. We walked around to the other side of our creek to see the work they are doing on it. It’s a massive undertaking and we were curious what it looked like. There is too much growth in between our house and the creek for us to get a clear view.

When we got there, we could see that they have blocked a section of the creek so that it is dried out. They are pumping the creek around that section (the creek is as high as always by the time it gets to our property). It’s so strange to see 40-50 feet of creekbed dry and exposed.

While we were looking around and figuring out what they were going to be doing in the coming days… I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. And there he was. Brown, with his flat spatula tail, large wet nose and glinting, alert eyes, he was swimming in the water just before the dry creek bed. The massive pumps pulling up the water and shunting it down past the barrier down stream were noisy. He didn’t seem to mind, swimming in and around them. He didn’t mind us or our big white canine friend either.

We watched him as he checked out his temporarily disturbed home. The last time I saw him in the creek, he had a mate. I wondered if they were separated by the creek work. Or maybe his home was now gone. He didn’t look anxious - just checking things out very thoroughly. The three of us watched him for quite some time. We finally moved on and he kept on doing his mysterious beaver-y task.

Deer, river otters, beavers, coyotes, raccoons, pheasants, woodpeckers, hummingbirds, quail, cottontails, nesting robins, salmon, trout and so many more have interrupted our daily routines with their beauty and grace. The gift they give, their presence, fills my heart. All of them are restorative to my spirit.  I wish I had a way to thank them.

It’s late for me and I need to go to bed. And I will. But I just wanted to write a little something before bed. Truthfully, I don’t know what. So I’ll just ramble for a bit.

I’ll point you to this - which I think is fascinating, interesting and cool.

And to this - which just tickles me.

Oh, and I have to thank everyone who has gotten back to me so far on my call for interviews for my book. I’ve gotten over 25 replies in 24 hours. So great. I need more though. Many more. You could help me if you spread the word too.

Oh, one more thing. While visiting our friends this morning, I walked past a growing lush tomato plant. The smell of those wonderful plants is unmistakable, isn’t it? They had a cute little artichoke growing nearby too.

My eyes are screaming at me. It’s time to stop using them and tuck them in with their own eyelid blankets.

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about the beaver.

So good night.

I’m putting together my rough outline for my book on shared and alternative housing.  I am pulling together case examples of various types living situations for my book.  I’m putting out a call for people who would like to participate and share with me their personal living experiences.  Specifically:

• Do you live with family or friends?
• Do you co-own a home and live in a home with more than just your immediate family?
• Have you lived in a group home?
• Other unique or unusual living situation?

I would love to start a conversation with you and hear your experience as well as ask some specific questions.    I will credit you… or list you anonymously if that works best for you.

If you haven’t but know someone who has - please forward this request to them.  The more quantity and diversity of people I hear from, the better.

Thanks!  You can contact me by leaving a comment or emailing me directly here.

I was terribly sad to hear about Tammy Faye’s death. I knew it was coming but I kept hoping that it wouldn’t.

I’m a Christian who cringes at PTL, TBN and that whole lot. But Tammy Faye… she through her consistency and authenticity won my heart and my admiration. Watching the documentary, The Eyes of Tammy Faye, showed me just how judgmental and unloving I could be. Her spirit, courage and faith inspired me as she battled her cancer. She was a true Christian and a beautiful woman.

I’d like to say that I genuinely love you, and I genuinely care, and I genuinely want to see you in heaven someday.

I want you to find peace.

I want you to find joy.

-Tammy Faye*

From my writings on my new path:

I have not danced in over 20 years and that is over.

I am Janece. I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.

I am not soft, kind or sweet though I may choose to be. These things are now my tools and forms of expression. They are no more my bumper car way of living to smooth over the rougher parts of myself, my life or others. I am a fierce force, both powerful and joyful.

I am an artist. I create in honor of the God who created me and impressed His divine image upon me. My creativity is my unique stamp given to me by my God. In and through my creativity God’s essence shines in me. My creativity is birthed out of overflowing love and joy, spilling out into the world - expressing not only myself but the God who first created me.

I am a writer who does the work to speak truth and beauty. My voice is strong and humble. What has been put in me to say, I will not silence.

I am a wife who is a lover, partner, confidante, antagonist and best friend. I am the powerful woman that he deserves.

I am a mother who teaches her daughter to be powerful and not simply subject to the whims of circumstance or others.

I am student always knowing that I have more to learn from in relationship with God and others. And I’m a teacher, knowing that I have a responsibility to share the wisdom that I’ve been graced with.

Never shying away, I am in relationship with my community. I’m a friend who can be counted on. Honest to a fault, I am more concerned with what’s true and brings life than how I look to others.

I am in unity with my body. My body is a marvelous and beautiful creation given to me by God. It carries with it so much ability and potential. I will not squander this gift. I will create my body to assist, support and carry me through while I dance in this beautiful, magical corporeal life I’ve been given.

“To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak”

- Indian Proverb

What is your dance?  Want to dance with me?

I’ve been writing letters saying goodbye to the path I’ve walked on for the last 20 years. Here are some excerpts:

This is a goodbye. My life has been full of self-loathing and self-pity. I have been so out of touch with my own desires, personality and direction that I’ve lost most connection and understanding of myself. I’ve not said what there is for me to say because I’m afraid. I’ve carried 145 pounds that cuts short my health, beauty and lifestyle. I haven’t done what inspires me because I’ve been afraid of failing.

Goodbye to being the peacemaker at all costs. Goodbye to managing situations trying to make everyone happy. I’ve tried to be a person that everyone will like. Goodbye to being inspirational and encouraging to others but not to myself. Goodbye to buried beliefs, opinions and convictions because I’m afraid they will alienate me from others, especially my family and friends.

Goodbye to making Paul the “talented one” in our relationship. Goodbye to being the sidekick. Goodbye to being weak and creating myself as the pitiable victim.

Goodbye to making myself invisible.

Goodbye to being small and not being everything that I know myself to be capable of.

“A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be.”

– Abraham Maslow

I spent my spare Saturday and Sunday moments reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  I flew through the book more than savoring it.  I didn’t want to be hit with a spoiler before I finished and felt like spoilers were chasing me, nipping at my heels.  I do feel a bit of satisfaction that I finished without being spoiled.

I read a statistic that said, every minute, 5000 books were sold.  Can you imagine?

Have you read the final book?  What did you think?

I’ve been at my easel more this week than I have in ages. It has felt WONDERFUL. So often I complete paintings but there’s something not quite there for me. This time, I hit the mark that I was shooting for. I don’t always know how to define that mark but when I’ve hit it… I know.Yesterday, I worked on three different paintings. I completed one and got the underpainting completed on the other two. I’m really happy with the final version. I’m excited to start working on the two that have the underpainting finished and ready for their next layer.

My friend and fellow painter, Mary Ann, recommend to me the book Artist to Artist: Inspiration & Advice from Artists Past & Present. It’s a marvelous compilation of quotes from artists on a variety of topics. I thumb through it randomly reading quotes that catch my eye. This one caught mine today because this is exactly what I’ve found:

One gets into a state of creativity by conscious work.

- Henri Matisse

When I stop putting myself in front of the canvas on a regular and disciplined basis, my creativity seems to drain right out of me. But, when I stand my body, brush in hand, in front of a blank canvas… pull out that first tube of color and start… The inspiration and creativity begin to fill me like a potted plant that pulls water out of the wet soil and into its roots. It isn’t always immediate but with inevitability, lush green leaves grow and blooms bud.

Speaking of which, the easel is calling my name. Ciao!

My morning shake turned out so tasty, I had to write down my recipe concoction so I don’t forget.

• 1 cup cold water
• 1/2 cup Trader Joe’s plain kefir
• 1/4 scoop of Living Fuel Greens
• 4 tbsp Nutiva Berry Pomegranate Hemp Shake
• 1/2 banana
• 1/4 cup frozen blueberries
• 1 scoop Peach Harvest Fiberwise
• 1 tsp TheraSweet
• 1 tsp cinnamon

Natalie from the marvelous Chicken Blog is doing a Pay It Forward project. The idea: I will make and send 3 handmade gifts to three interested and lucky people. In requesting one of these gifts, you do the same and join in the Pay It Forward exchange. So again, I’ll send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what my gifts will be, possibly paintings, possibly something else entirely. The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. Clear as mud?

This exchange has been going awhile and I love the idea of it continuing on. I know it has come a way getting to me (I can track it back through 8 blogs including Chicken Blog). That’s a lot of Pay It Forward love going around.

So if this appeals, join in!