Maybe my home is unusual - but today I noticed the amount of flu clutter build-up. Tissues, empty tissue boxes, cough drop wrappers, blankets, pillows, empty tea mugs and empty water glasses, and then… then there’s the clean-up that you normally do went you aren’t sick. That’s not getting done - so throw that into the flu clutter pile too.

Amira is feeling 75% better today (Yay!). She had energy. I didn’t. I don’t usually take cold/flu medicines except to get a good night’s sleep. Today, I had to pop DayQuil. I wouldn’t have been able to take care of Amira with out it. I was at the non-functioning level of sickness when I woke up this morning.

I wrote a quick email to Paul’s mom tonight. I told her that I’m hoping that today was this flu’s last hurrah before being dealt and crushing blow of defeat by my immune system. I’m going to bed at 8pm and hope to give those busy little white blood cells the added oomph they need to get their job done and done right!

Wish me and my ailing body luck and I’ll see you in the morning.

Nighty nite.

Monday morning and it’s still dark outside. Amira is singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. After, she & I are a coughing duet. Amira covers her mouth and says “‘cuse me”. I can’t help feeling proud that she’s learning manners.

I just finished washing Amira’s hair. I can’t believe how long her hair is when it’s wet. There are moments when I think she’s losing the curl in her locks. When it’s wet though, that idea is immediately put to rest.

I’m writing this on a notepad, sitting on the floor, while watching Amira play in the tub. I’m reading a book my friend Tabby gave me a couple years ago. It’s called Pen on Fire: a busy woman’s guide to igniting the writer within. The author, Barbara DeMarco-Barrett, talks about using every miscellaneous moment to write. The temptation is to want to wait until you have a chunk of time to sit and devote to writing. DeMarco-Barrett asserts that you can keep your work moving and fresh by doing this. I’ve found this to great advice for me and not just in writing.

Whether it be cleaning, painting, writing, doing laundry or taking care of myself, things I want to get done… don’t. I convince myself that I don’t have a full 1/2 hour, hour or whatever. Instead of things moving forward, say bit by bit, nothing changes.

This week, I’m experimenting. How much can I get done in fifteen minutes, five, or just one?

…and we are still sick.  Amira’s fevers have gone away - now just feeling like crud (runny nose and a nasty cough).  I’m also feeling like crud.

Ruth - Paul & I were joking that we needed to send Charlie a Thank You card. 

Mira woke up with a fever and a cough last night. Paul did the middle-of-the-night-run to a grocery store to pick up some medicine for her. I gave her a bath while he was gone. She seemed to appreciate it and kept saying “…messy.” I think she was equating her feeling feverishly sick with being “messy”. She is terribly sweet when she is sick. Her fever came and went throughout the day - thankfully only low-grade. She had a fever when I put her in bed tonight.

I’m feeling sick too. Not awfully so, but enough to feel sluggish.

Mostly, today was spent cuddling with my girl on the couch in front of videos. All in all, not a bad way to spend a sick day.

I spent the early hours of my morning peeling the skins off almonds. I know, I know - you had no idea I spent my mornings so productively. I’m learning to make almond milk. Turns out there’s a bit of an art to it. I have a book that gave me a simple recipe… 1 cup ground almonds and 2 cups boiling water - steep 5 minutes and then blend until the almond grains are absorbed. Absorbed? Yeah, the absorbing part never happened for me. When this happened… those of you who know me have a good idea what I did next. I went running to Google. Oh wise and omniscient Google, what did I do wrong? Turns out there’s an entire process to do before the recipe I read.

My next almond milk experiment will involve blanching the almonds and peeling then… drying them and then toasting them in the oven for 10 minutes at 325F.

Following what I hope to be a successful outcome… I’ll start trying flavors of almond milk. Amira loves chocolate almond milk — so that will be first on my list.

I know this is “so last year”… but I just watched the documentary An Inconvenient Truth. What did you think of it? Are you convinced of global warming - and that it’s cause is manmade? Do you care?

According to National Geographic Magazine, the general assertions of the documentary are true. There are steps we can take individually and as a society to help reduce our impact on the environment… but it seems to me the biggest deal is going to be the creation of new technologies. Robert Samuelson of The Washington Post makes the same point. He takes a fatalistic attitude about whether our individual efforts will make a difference, (in fact, he says they won’t) and that global warming will only be solved by the creation and implementation new technology.

So, in keeping with my conviction that we make a difference… here are 100 Ways That We Can Save the Environment.

This photo taken by Ariel of Electrolicious completely inspired me. I saw it and said to myself, “That’s it - I’m going!” I’ve been intending to visit the Olympic Peninsula for (I’m embarrassed to admit) well over 10 years. And I haven’t.

Now is the time.

The two wind storms that we had have taught me more thankfulness. We’ve lost power during both storms. We’ve been lucky that we haven’t had to live without it for more than 24 hours. In the first storm, there were people who went weeks without.

Night before last our power went off just before 1 am. Amira woke up about 5:30am the power was still off. We started a fire for warmth and lit the candles for light. Pulling her toys and books in close to us, we spent the morning playing in front of the fireplace. Once Mom & Dad got up, we decided to head out to get some breakfast. As we tried to pull out of our driveway, we discovered 5 tree branches had fallen and blocked our exit. Dad took a saw to the branches, while Mom & I hauled them out of the way. A little pre-breakfast exercise.

We spent the morning at the mall eating tasty spinach and artichoke egg souffles, hanging out with Amira while she climbed, hopped, slid and generally romped in the kids play area. When we discovered there was still no power, we went grocery shopping and had a delicious lunch (I had a tasty hummus and veggie sandwich on Etruscan whole grain bread - yum!). We came home to the cold house, bundled Amira up in her bed for her nap. She was cozy under a blanket and down comforter. Around 2:15pm, the power returned. Obviously, losing our power couldn’t be called a hardship.

Even so, being without power makes me really grateful that we have it 99.9% of the time. I don’t know the statistics for how much of the world lives without reliable power or running water - but that this is something that I can take for granted… it’s a wealth and a blessing.

The last 20+ days have been… I’m looking for a word that it more descriptive than… surreal.

Our trip to Utah for Dian and Micaela’s services went as well as trips like that can go. Micaela’s remembrance was hard. From the moment I was told of her death, I have alternated between disbelief and grief. I was managing until I walked into the theatre lobby where the service was being held and there was a display of photos of Micaela. They were from a series of professional photos. She was an actor and I’m sure they were taken for submission at auditions. They showed a range of expressions and glimpses/captures of her. I only saw them for a split second when we walked into the lobby and I lost it. I couldn’t stop crying after that.

The service was beautiful and I wept through the whole thing. I wanted to just weep and fall apart with someone. I was deeply grateful after the service when my sister-in-law Ruth hugged me and we just wept in each others arms.

I feel melodramatic going into the range of emotions that I’ve experienced since Micaela’s death. I was closer to her than Dian. I regret not knowing Dian more. I regret not holding both Micaela and Dian closer to me. I’m ashamed that I felt like I had time. More time. I just didn’t. I can’t obsess over that, I can’t live my life in paranoia. Yet, I feel the gaps in contact and relationship that could have been filled in before their deaths. It wouldn’t have made it any easier to lose them if those gaps were filled in - it still would hurt as deeply as it does now (in fact, likely more so). I think I might have felt more complete about it though. I don’t know.

One of the things I’ve found myself doing is looking for Micaela. I look for pictures of her in our photos. I search the net for articles, comments and details. I find articles, pages and various comments. But they aren’t enough, of course. It’s her that I want to find.

I feel robbed. And not just for me, Amira too.

Micaela and Amira fell in love with each other the first time they met. I can’t express how much I grieve her not knowing her Auntie Micaela.

My heart aches for Stephen’s loss of Micaela and Matt’s loss of Dian. I can’t understand what they are and will go through. Their wives were such integral parts of their lives. These women were full of life - living their lives in and with the world around them. They were never cloistered even when there was reason or temptation to be so. At their memorials, I was challenged by their lives. I imagine that to be something I want people to feel when I’ve died.

My friend Sky sent Paul & I a prayer shortly after we heard about Micaela and Dian’s deaths that has given me comfort…

Christ our eternal King and God, You have destroyed death and the devil by Your Cross and have restored man to life by Your Resurrection; give rest, Lord, to the soul of Your servants, Micaela & Dian, who have fallen asleep, in Your Kingdom, where there is no pain, sorrow or suffering. In Your goodness and love for all men, pardon all the sins they have committed in thought word or deed, for there is no man or woman who lives and sins not, You only are without sin.

For You are the Resurrection, the Life, and Repose of Your servants Micaela and Dian, departed this life, O Christ our God; and to You do we send up glory with Your Eternal Father and Your All-holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit; both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen